What the heezey?

Did you watch American Idol tonight? Right, I usually don't either but David and I decided to wait for Marisela to watch Survivor. So, he turned it on and they basically recapped the 5 hour episode from the night before. I was thankful, saved me a lot of time. Not that giving to HIV/AIDS and especially Africa is a waste of time. I've spent a lot of time there and definitely have a heart for the people and the struggles. When Ryan Seacrest announced they had raised nearly 60 million dollars I was floored. That's a lot of money. But then I started thinking about all the super stars they had on the Idol Gives Back show and I thought...$60 mil is nothing to these people, why don't they give a couple mil? That's like chump change to them, plus if they combined their riches with what they're asking everyone else to give, how much more could be done to fight the poverty and problems in Africa? Okay, that wasn't my original intent for posing the question, "did you watch American Idol tonight?" but I had to get on my soapbox for a sec. The opening song was "Shout to the Lord." When did American Idol get saved? I still don't know what to think. I mean, in one way millions of people heard Jesus being praised...but was it really praise? I don't know. Was it mocking it? I don't really think so, but I can't figure it out. Now you may think I'm a heathen for asking this question, but why did they pick that song? Hmmm...odd.

My grad school interview was today. I had great plans for my morning. I called in sick and felt completely guilty but I really wasn't feeling great. I was so nervous I almost did throw up. I was gonna work out, clean, figure out what I would make for dinner since everyone else went to work and I stayed home. But instead I stayed in bed a little longer, finally stumbled downstairs and hopped online. I sat there for a good hour trying to figure out how to respond to emails. Some of them went unanswered, others got a distracted response to what appears to be my emo-ness. I also needed to seriously catch up on America's Next Top Model since I was out of the country for a few episodes. So that was on in the background which probably didn't help me to focus either. I had my usual bagel with peanut butter and banana, only since I was home I added some honey to the mix. I realized it was getting later and if I wanted to run it was going to have to be a short one. I also thought it might be good to work some nerves out and clear my mind a little. So I hit a hard, short run and was sweating like crazy...I love runs like that. I got home, defrosted some chicken, jumped in the shower, then out, went back to the chicken and got the slow cooker ready. I decided to try a new recipe...fiesta chicken...yum-o! I ran back upstairs to do the hair and make-up, put on the power suit and hit the road to SDSU. I wasn't sure where this center I was going to was so I wanted to get there early. I looked g'd up from the feet up, felt fly and confident...the nerves were pretty much gone and I told myself, just be yourself because you're awesome. No really, I really felt good about this. The interview was a group interview and because I signed some waiver I'm not really at liberty to discuss a whole lot but it was interesting and I enjoyed every minute of the 2 1/2 hour process. No joke. I did some one on one counseling while someone on the other side of the mirror observed. I thought that stuff only went on in interrogation rooms but apparently grad students get interrogated too. We did some group discussion on how we were raised, things we were taught about race, class, gender, sex and so on. We had to sit in this circle with our shoes off and my first thought was, I hate my feet! Then came, I should have gotten that pedicure. We had to walk up to another person in the circle and say, "Hi. My name is..." In my case, "Hi. My name is Alyssa." Then the professor started a sentence and I had to finish it. So, "Hi. My name is Alyssa. Something I never want to tell is..." Wow...if I never wanted to tell it, why would I tell a room full of strangers? Disclosing...counseling...this is what the next year could look like if I get into CBB. We then had the chance to do a writing assignment where we could talk about our experience in the interview and what we wanted to come across but might have not been able to. It was good though and I think I did well. I contributed to the group but didn't dominate the conversation and I was honest with my answers. Another one of my finish the sentences was, "when I'm alone I..." I said I laugh at myself, the things I think and things I see. I don't know if that was deep enough but dang it, it sure is true. So now you know, I laugh a lot...even when I'm alone.

By the way, Fiesta Chicken was so good in burritos. Maybe one day I'll make it for you. Maybe not, you might live too far away for Fiesta Chicken. But I'll share the recipe if you want. Now I'm off to bed because I can't call in sick again. Well, I could but I shouldn't. Plus I'm going to a conference with Mars this weekend. We're going with women from her church and Beth Moore is the keynote. It should be good, I'm ready for what the Lord is going to do. Maybe that's why I've had such a hard 2 weeks, so the soil of my heart will be ready for the planting. See you.

P.S. Why do they put Weight Watchers Centers next to Wenchell's? Is it like training to resist the temptation? I've never given in, but that's probably because I'm afraid of what the other attendees would think if they saw me in there.