Here I am!

I honestly didn't know it had been so long since I've written. My apologies to my 2 followers :)

2nd year is done! Comprehensive exams are done (as of now. Hopefully in 2 weeks I'll get a letter saying I've passed them all & I won't need to worry about retaking any of them)! So, here are some highlights:

passed my 2nd year evaluation. finished my last semester with all As. was called by my 1st choice practicum site on Uniform Notification Day (I'll be at the VA in Long Beach next year). got hired as a staff therapist, so now I'm getting paid to see clients! went through physical therapy for my sciatic problems, had great results & can touch my toes again & get out of bed without pain radiating through my body.

Now I have a few weeks off, with the exception of some client hours. I feel the need to sleep a lot and my introverted personality really wants to hide in my room. At the same time, I'd love to see friends and hang out. Friends, please don't let me hide these next 4 weeks. Call me & let's get together!

The Gift of Being Yourself

"The mystery of the Christian gospel is that our deepest, truest self is not what we think of as our own self but 'the self that is one with the Risen and Deathless Christ in whom all are fulfilled.' In Christian spiritual transformation, the self that embarks on the journey is not the self that arrives.  The self that begins the spiritual journey is the self of our own creation, the self we thought ourselves to be.  This is the self that dies on the journey.  The self that arrives is the self that was loved into existence by Divine Love.  This is the person you were destined from eternity to become - the I that is hidden in the 'I AM.'" - David Benner, The Gift of Being Yourself (2004)

17 Years Later

Tomorrow marks 17 years since I sat in Ponderosa Chapel at Hume Lake Christian Camps and gave my life to God.  17 years since I promised to take up my cross and follow Jesus.  I admit I haven't done it perfectly or consistently, but I rest in knowing I serve a loving, forgiving God who seeks after me, finds me where I've wandered to, and brings me back to Him.  In my theology class this semester we've been talking about creation, God's providence. and Jesus' presence in this world.  I've been so thankful for my formal education and being able to study this with a fantastic professor who is truly humble & hilarious (he's also a tall, nerdy white boy...You catching my drift, Veronica?).  I'm also thankful for my informal education in these matters.  God has been prompting me over and over to just stop and listen to Him.  I use school as an excuse to not do this very often, but I'm convicted.  So, as we begin lent, I've decided to 1. Give up drive thrus (I've gained so much weight in grad school); 2. Read through a devotional every day.  I hope to post about what I'm learning more often, but don't hold me to it :)  I've also seen all these photo of the day challenges and think this might be fun to do too...hopefully in March, you'll SEE more of my world :)

2nd Year Eval

Not long after I began studying in my current program did I begin to hear about the dreaded 2nd year eval.  There were horror stories.  Stories of people getting immediately kicked out, put on some sort of academic discipline, or given very critical and negative feedback.  I didn't hear any stories about students being praised, encouraged, or supported.  All this chatter stirred up anxiety in me and my fellow classmates.  So, as 2nd year eval approached, I tried to tell myself that thus far there hasn't been any critiques of my job as a student and I shouldn't be too worried.  That helped...a little.  2nd year eval came & went yesterday and you know what? It was great! The committee of faculty gave me tons of encouragement and positive feedback.  They told me they liked me and to keep on trekking towards my degree.  One faculty told me she appreciated my consistent, dependent, and calming demeanor.  Another told me that everyone who has interacted with me has thought highly of me.  They appreciate my professionalism and maturity.  They are excited to see what happens with my career and where I decide to go after graduation.  It put a smile on my face at 7:45 am.  Around 6 pm I found out I wouldn't be allowed to apply to my 1st choice practicum site, which bummed me out.  Thankfully I had friends to celebrate the positive with last night.  It feels like it's already been such a long week, but I'm looking forward to Friday now when another hurdle is placed before me...practicum applications.  I'll keep you posted, friends!

For the Faithful

My dear friend Veronica called me out the other day on my lack of posting. I didn't even realize it had been months! So, for the faithful to my blog...or just Veronica, here you go :)

Sometimes I feel like I am the most wretched person to ever walk this earth.  Therapy helps bring these feelings out.  Therapy also helps normalize a lot of these feelings.  I know I've always been tough on myself.  I push myself to excel, go past the limitations I have, and with this also brings a whole lot of self-criticism.  It genuinely is difficult for me to hear positive things about myself.  Sometimes I try the positive self-talk, but it never really ever goes deep.  Sometimes I try to take in the things my friends say to me, but I secretly doubt they actually believe those things about me.  All this makes tomorrow a very difficult day for me.  Yes, it's Valentine's Day...but that's not what is hard about the 14th.  Tomorrow at 7:45 am, I'll meet with 3 faculty members who will give me feedback on my time so far in this doctorate program.  While I don't expect everything to be positive, I do know it'll be hard for me to hear the positive.  They will also then make me wait a few weeks to tell me if I can continue on in the program.  I don't think they're gonna tell me to take a hike, but I'm sure I'll have a better sense of security after tomorrow.  My practicum rankings for next year are also due and this is a highly competitive year in terms of clinical work.  I just pray I place and somewhere where I'll be excited to work and learn and do therapy.  So, I'd appreciate your prayers!