Merry Christmas

Hi friends. I have to say, being home has been up and down. I am reminded of what is missing in San Diego when I get around church friends here. It's been great spending time with the Venizelos family, Katie and Danny. My own family has been fun too. Today my mom was in the kitchen and I forced her to give me a hug. I told her about our session on "hugging therapy" in class to which she replied, "you better not practice any of that crap outside of class." Hmm, and my faculty wonder why I have intimacy and touch issues. But my mom gave me a hug and while we were hugging we just started laughing. It was fantastic! My brother JD came in and asked why we were crying. Needless to say, we needed that session :) It's been hard trying to put into words what the last few months have been like. I think those that have seen it might have a better understanding. One day I'm laughing, dancing, having a good time and the next I'm crying, cussing, and wanting to be left alone. It's amazing though and has sparked something in me that wants to jump deeper into this mess.

It's officially Christmas and I've already received my "santa gift." Four brand new goodyears. Tires wasn't at the top of my list but they're pretty important and expensive so I'm thankful. I know JD will be up at 6 am to open gifts so I should go to bed. I just can't seem to stop my thoughts...hence the blogging. I guess I'll just journal instead. I can't have you knowing all of my business.

Passive-Aggressive Alyssa

I think you're nice and I'd like to talk to you more but you kind of intimidate me. I'm shy and I think you are too, I saw your face flush when you walked into the room. I'm sure my face was as red as my sweater but we can move past that.

It's Almost Over

School is done! Woohoo! But I got home yesterday and didn't know what to do with myself. I thought about watching TV but I don't have TV and then I thought about going to the gym but it started POURING down rain. That also meant I wasn't going to start my Christmas shopping or run errands. So I watched Love Actually which is a great movie (but if you're watching it for the first time, be aware of some nude scenes) and then I thought about painting but going to bed early sounded way more appealing. I'm excited to paint again though. I haven't done that in a long time and I love it so much, not that I'm good at it but I like it.

Today was our holiday luncheon in La Jolla and it was beautiful and yummy. I scored at the white elephant gift exchange and ended up with a starbucks card. I might be off to another party later today. I say might because we get invited to a lot of parties here in my office, working for the top dogs has advantages, but sometimes it's awkward walking into the parties. This party is of particular interest though...maybe I'll show my face for a few.

I'm heading up to Fillmore this weekend for the holidays and I don't really have a plan. That makes packing difficult but I over pack all the time anyway. Sunday brings a graduation celebration for JT in Santa Barbara and then back to Fillmore for the week. I plan on hanging out at Coffee Boy and reading if you're around and want to join me you can find me on Central Ave.

Feeling the Flare

I've been looking forward to the end of the semester.  I know I have a long break coming with not having a job and school for most of January and my body definitely wants rest.  My shoulder has been hurting for no apparent reason (thank you lupus) so I'm going to start physical therapy.  I found out this week that I'll be covered under my amazing insurance until the end of January and that was probably the best news all week.  Well, that and I get wifi from some kind soul around here.  I went to the batting cages yesterday with Maria and had a good time.  I felt fine all day yesterday but today my body hates me.  I woke up in a frightening state of having to pee but feeling paralyzed.  I couldn't move, I literally had to pick up my legs and move them.  Not fun.  So now I'm dealing with an all around flare in my joints and I think I feel 99 years old.  Too bad I'm still not even 30.  Hopefully this ends soon because I have a ton of work to get done this week and I do want to finish on a strong note.  Well, except work, I just want to facebook all day.  I'm ready to be done!

Hi Jennifer Tilley

I didn't know you blogged. I'm thankful my stalking skills have matured and I'm able to find gold like your blog.

Love...

I had to write this paper. I've had to write a lot of papers lately. But this paper was all about me, no APA format or research needed, just my story. A few of the questions were about love, marriage, sex, etc. My advisor picked up from my seven page, single spaced paper (it was supposed to be 5, double sapced...oops) that these were the hard questions for me to address and asked what that was about. Uh...I...uh, don't talk about it. One thing I did talk about was the type of relationship I would some day like to have and he, of course pointed out all the flaws in my thinking and basically said that could never happen. After taking his feedback I realized it was our world views that were completely different. This was confirmed after having breakfast with a friend who asked about "boys," to which I laughed and turned it back on her. She said a lot of what I had written and it made me think about how wrong my advisor made it out to be, yet how biblical our idea is. I've been listening to Francis Chan's podcast and reading his book called Crazy Love. It's easy, quick, and to the point. If you're looking for something to just get you grounded I would pick this one up.

On another school note, I'm trying to figure out what happens after May when I'm done with CBB. I don't know if I skip graduation and apply to the MFT program or graduate and apply to a PhD or PsyD program. Or do I find a job and go back to school at another time? Any suggestions? I'm feeling pretty lost.