The Ice Cream Challenge

My brother decided not to get married in 5 months so let the ice cream feast begin. Okay, maybe not a feast but I'm not gonna say no all the time now. Especially since I've had some major life change in the last 3 weeks.

I hadn't been feeling well. My shoulder was stiff and I thought it was from my running form. I hadn't been to my doctor in about 3 years because I couldn't afford health insurance so I went online and searched for something affordable and reasonable. I got insurance on April 1st and went to the doctor for a check up about 3 weeks later. I was describing some things going on and he said he was going to run some blood tests and take x-rays. After all that and 2 weeks of waiting I had my follow up.

The nurse was nice, making conversation and said the doc would be right in to talk about my lab results. I thought it was nothing, maybe I'd have to do some physical therapy at most. He told me he was referring me to a specialist and that he was pretty certain I have lupus. I didn't know what that meant and asked and he just said, "your body is fighting itself and making you sick and there's no cure. You'll live with this pain the rest of your life." I cried. Life had just changed. I asked with hope, "could it be wrong?" He said yes but not likely. So he put me on a muscle relaxer and said if the pain got to be too much I would do injections. I'm not about to do that, I'm living with the pain.

I had my appointment with the specialist this week and it went as well as it could I guess. Well, he could've said I didn't have lupus and that would have been grand but instead he confirmed it. He said that most often this test is a false positive in young women and he wished he could tell me that was true for me but it isn't. He ordered more tests and said I'll be his, "blood and urine girl" for a long time. He sent me to the hospital in Santa Barbara for more testing and after leaving behind viles and viles of blood I hope to know even more about this desease in a month. He knows that as of now my organs aren't being affected and he was impressed by my determination to keep on and said that will help a lot in the long run. But he also said I'm stuck with him or a rhuematologist for the rest of my life. I have to see an opthamologist next because the medication I'll be starting could affect my eyes and I need to have a baseline for all that. So now it's more waiting. I asked if there was anything he could do for the pain I was in and he said the medicine I was taking now was the best he could do without moving into some dangerous steroids. I'll live with the pain.

All that was a bit of a bummer but since I was in Santa Barbara and had the day off my parents and I decided to hit the casino. I mean, there has to be a little luck left for me right? I went to the bathroom immediately and then came out to find my mom on the 2 cent slots. She told me to press any button so I did and I won. We both laughed even though we didn't know how much it was. When we cashed out I had won $200! We moved from 2 cents to quarters and I won another $100! I played a bit and then my mom said I could keep the winnings so I was up $254! We headed back to Santa Barbara for lunch/dinner and I hit up Brighton and bought me a new ring :)

That luck didn't last though. Once I got home there was a letter waiting for me from my insurance company. They're claiming I knew about this and it was a pre existing condition and now they don't want to pay up. The simple blood tests alone were over $600 and now I'll be seeing a specialist monthly. I'm afraid and angry and sad and a whole bunch of other emotions but I have to remember to cling to my provider. It's hard and I feel like a burden more than anything. Pray for me please. I know you will. I have to get on the phone and hopefully not argue but forcefully tell my insurance to shove it and pay up. It's just another stress I don't want or need.

I'll keep this updated.

I'm giving up ice cream!

Okay, I'm making a rule and asking you to keep me accountable. No more ice cream until July 4th. Yeah. I'll let myself celebrate then. Ask me, please. Remind me, no ice cream!

I'm almost done with school and I'm excited for the extra hours during the week I'll have to spend time reading fun stuff, hanging with friends or just running maybe. I signed up for a half marathon through Disneyland. It should be a blast and my stepdad is running with me!

I see the dr. tomorrow. I hope he can help me. I'm tired of feeling this way.

More to come. I promise, next post will be my thoughts and not my ramblings...or maybe they are the same thing. I don't know.

Time keeps on ticking

It's May. Holy cow! It's May!

My brother got engaged on Christmas morning and they decided to get married in October 2008. I thought that was a good plan. It would give me time to find a date...or a husband :) I have to admit, knowing my little brother is getting married before me kind of makes me insecure. I know it's a dumb thing and there is no rule that says the oldest MUST get married first, but my family does wonder what is wrong with me because I haven't had a boyfriend, let alone a date in 4 years. Well, Robbie decided to get married in October...of 2007. Ugh! Now I have to really kick my butt into gear just to look hot at his wedding :) I know, you think I'm vain. I don't care.

Work has been...uneventful and I'm trying to decide what to get into next. School isn't panning out the way I had hoped it would. It's a good thing though, at least now I don't have to stress about money and paying for school and where I'm going to live.

I've been thinking about moving. I know I always say that. Maybe I'll up and move to a new place. Somewhere I've never been before and I know nobody. Uh...maybe not. I don't think I could take any more lonliness.

I've been having some medical conditions that are puzzling me and the doctor. I wish our bodies weren't so complicated but it is a testament to an amazing creator.

Church stuff is okay. I'm trying to figure out where God is leading and calling me to. I definitely know what He's given me a passion for. It just seems like there is no outlet for it. It makes me wonder why I would have such desires. Am I supposed to create the outlet myself? I don't know. I sure do miss camping ministry. I miss interacting with students and people who want to share life with me. Not that this time is all bad. I had a great time with a student on Wednesday who just let me hug her while she cried. It was significant for me. We'll see what happens.

Hopefully I get answers to many of the questions I have buzzing around now. When I do I'll surely let you in on it.