It's just right

Rosemead '15

I should be writing about Mahler's Stages of Development. I'm obviously procrastinating. Doing the reading to write this paper though has freaked me out about ever even thinking about becoming a parent and has helped explain some of my neurosis. I guess we're all bound to be a little bit crazy.

This week has been redeeming for me and my confidence. I needed some encouragement with school and it came on Monday and Tuesday after doing pretty well on exams. I'm not thinking I'll fail out of my first semester after all :) I did have a professor call me out on how hard I am on myself. He doesn't even know me well and yet could pin in down in 5 minutes of talking to him. Yeah, I don't hide that well. My mom says I don't hide any of my emotions well. I'd like to disagree but maybe she's right.

I went to a taping of The Price is Right with some of my cohort members on Wednesday. I'm not at liberty to say what happened, but the show airs on December 9th. I had fun with them and am really thankful for such fun-loving classmates. I feel my guard coming down around them more and more everyday. I'm glad too, I want a genuine friendship with them. On our way to the CBS studios we saw some of the cast of Modern Family walking into a restaurant to tape. It was so fun just to catch a glimpse of Jay, Manny, and Cam.

I've been helping out with the college group, 1825, at my new church in Long Beach. It's been so fun getting to know students and staff better. This last week was super special. I just feel grateful to be serving alongside awesome people and for the opportunity to see how God is moving in the lives of students and even in myself. It's a nice change from the last 2 years of wandering and feeling disconnected. Lately just thinking about this makes me cry. God is good.

School on the Brain

This week I have a stats exam, a paper due, sessions to watch and comment on, a client to see and prep for next week. When I'll have an IQ test to administer, a client to see, another tape to watch, another exam, paper, and on and on. I'm stressed, mostly because I doubt myself. I don't think I'm very smart and I'm often scared I can't pull this doctorate thing off. But the stress isn't good. My hair falls out, my body aches, my eyes dry up, I require more sleep and the lupus is in full effect. My mom talks to me like she wants me to quit. Last week I wanted to. Last week I really wanted to. It only took 6 weeks for me to feel this way and I still have 4 3/4 years to go. I was talking to a 5th year this weekend who gave me some encouraging words. I think part of it is I feel disconnected from my cohort. It's hard jumping in and seeing clients during the first semester. Sometimes I wish I would've just stuck with the cohort but sometimes I think maybe I can do this in 4 years. School is the only thing on the brain.