My Sunday...

Traffic was ridiculous on the way to church today! It took me almost 45 minutes to go less than 7 miles. It was worth it though, God is definitely communicating some things to me. I had thrown dinner in the crock-pot before leaving in the morning and I LOVE coming home and smelling the yummy-ness brewing. I bought 2 new dresses and a new pair of shoes today. I need new wedding attire, I'm getting tired of rotating my dresses. Don't know which one I'll keep yet, maybe I'll keep both. I got a lot done around the house and spent the evening with my crock-pot dinner and Hercules. I forgot how great the music is in this movie. On a side note, I've been blogging an awful lot. I know this. I've just had a whole lot on my mind. Now I'll leave you with this.

Say a Little Prayer for You

I love this movie. I think this is one of my favorite clips ever.

Sometimes I think this is going to be my life. And I'm Julia Roberts.

Struck Down but not Destroyed

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

2 Corinthians 4:8-9

I’ve had to constantly tell myself this week to not lose heart. I feel beat up and tried in so many ways and can’t seem to find the appropriate response for any of it.

Physically I’ve been really tired, stiff, and I’m shocked I haven’t rubbed my eyes out of their sockets. I finally was able to have the plugs put in my tear ducts but now it feels like I have pebbles in the corners of my eyes. I know it’s just going to take time for me to get used to them but this process isn’t so fun.

I’ve been pushed emotionally and mentally as well. UCSD has been all over the news and if you haven’t heard about it, Google it. It’s been a struggle to know how to respond to the hurt and anger I see and feel around campus and what to say to coworkers and friends. I’ve wanted to back hand quite a few people for comments that were insensitive and ignorant but at the same time knowing my job is to educate them and help them recognize the ignorance in their statements. I still don’t have an answer.

My family could use a lot of prayer right now too. My mom discovered a lump in her breast and had tests done today. The doctors are concerned, especially since her mom had both breasts removed due to cancer. My mom has shown incredible faith and my step dad has shown incredible love. It looks like she’ll have to have surgery very soon to remove the lump and biopsy it. But this also pushes back the surgery she was scheduled to have in order to fix the tendon in her hand. My mom has been living with pain from an accident for over a year now. So right now we feel struck down but definitely not destroyed.

I'm still a teen

15 years ago today, I sat in Ponderosa Chapel at Hume Lake Christian Camps and listened to a man named Erik Heard talk about the gospel of Jesus Christ. I knew that night that even though my friends were heading out to the tube runs, snack shop, and ice rink, I needed to stay behind and talk to Chris and Joy about this tugging on my heart I was feeling.

I grew up Catholic and had some awareness of God but I never knew I could have a personal relationship with him. As a 14 year old, insecure and unstable girl, I was enamored by a father who loved her and wanted the best for her. And so that night I asked Jesus to be my savior and I received the gift of eternal life.

Life since then hasn't always been easy but I know that the hard days I experience now are still better than a great day without Christ.

Pic of the Week

There's a lot of controversy at UCSD. I love this picture.

The Avett Brothers

Thanks to Darin and his "Best of" cds I've been able to appreciate The Avett Brothers. I saw this today and enjoyed it, so now I pass it along for your enjoyment.

LOVE IT

I follow a lot of blogs, mostly friends but a few that deal with give aways/decorating/creative blah blah blahs. Yesterday I found a new blog and fell in love with the jewelry. Today I read some of her story and continue to stare at the jewelry. If you like this kinda stuff, check it out.

AJ got Dunked

If you’ve heard about my temp gig you’ve probably also heard about AJ. He’s my crazy, wacky co-worker who makes me smile even on the days I feel like crying. AJ is also a man who seeks the Lord, loves his church, and challenges me in my faith. He’s been a gift to me at a time when I was ready to quit a lot of things. I think because of the timing he’s also had to bear a lot of my animosity and negativity and he’s done it with love and grace. And some rebuking with reconciliation. This weekend AJ was baptized and…you can probably already guess…I cried.

AJ could use a lot of prayer right now. He's 4 for 4 in grad school acceptances. I predict he'll go 6 for 6 (anyone care to wager?) and has awesome opportunities and difficult decisions to make.

God is good J

Confessions of a Crying Girl

I don’t remember crying a whole lot when I was a kid. I don’t think I cried very much in high school or college. Joshua was definitely when the floodgates opened. I guess that’s what happens when you remove yourself from the distractions of this world, have at least an hour a day devoted to studying, meditating, and digesting the word of God on your own, and really take the time to evaluate what life is all about. I cried a lot that year because what I thought I had wanted and what I really needed were no longer in congruence. I realized during Joshua that according to worldly standards I probably would never be rich, have high stature, or make headline news, and all of that was just fine by me as long as I was following the Lord with reverent passion.

I moved to Chatsworth soon after this experience and I cried A LOT there too. 2004 (and into 2005) was a painful year in nearly every way. I had gallbladder surgery, was removed from my accountability, placed at the biggest church I had ever been to, and then my family was nearly ripped to pieces. Although things at the church weren’t perfect I knew God was doing awesome things in me and through me, and it was apparent because of the fruit being produced but also because of the spiritual warfare I endured.

I of course cried in CBB. Becoming a self aware person doesn’t come easily. It takes a lot of work, lots of digging deep and lots of disclosure. But since then, I’ve become okay with people seeing me cry. Well…certain people J

I share my crying journey with you because today I was a mess in church. I wasn’t wailing or sobbing, it wasn’t a deep cry but it was a constant flow of tears. I met the Johnson family through the sermon this morning and was moved to hear about the pain they’ve experienced in their lives but how faithful and dependent they are on God. They are a reminder that God’s power is superior to Satan’s and that when I feel powerless the Holy Spirit can empower me. I also cried at the end of church when people responded to the gospel and walked forward, proclaiming they were powerless and willing to give their lives to the Lord. I ALWAYS cry when people decide to accept Christ.

I Wanna Hold Your Hand

After graduating from college I went to Ethiopia with 12 other crazy Americans. Needless to say we had some cultural training before being in country and completely making fools of ourselves. In this training we were told about the way friends show affection for one another and how shocking it can be, especially to Americans. See, you know you’re close friends when you hold hands, walk arm in arm, are physically connected in some way. I remember the first time my Ethiopian roommate held my hand as we walked through a museum and how awkward it was but how cool it was that she considered me a friend. Usually this sign only goes for same sex friends, it could be inappropriate for men and women to show such affection depending on the situation. My interpreter and team teacher, Betiglu and I held hands all the time. And I liked it. It brought a sense of protection (especially in certain parts of the city) but was also very gentle and tender. He was over 6’ tall and might seem intimidating if you didn’t talk to him.

Betiglu & Muir

When I went to CBB (grad school) I first met Mel before leaving for a retreat. I didn't know her. I didn't know ANYONE. But here was this girl with a mohawk on my porch, ready to carpool. She's been a special gift to me and has continued to be someone special in my life. During school, Wednesdays were our intense days. We usually spent hours in a circle doing group counseling, check ins, talking about issues that brought deep hurts to the surface. And I could always count on Mel to be there to hold my hand. We never had to say anything to one another but if either of us were feeling overwhelmed, sad, or just so much emotion we didn't know what to do, we simply held hands.

Alyzzle & Melly Mel

Some days I find myself holding back the urge to hold hands with people here. It makes me a little sad when I think about the personal space we Americans require. Sometimes I’m thankful for it. Anyway, I just want to hold hands.

Updates

I'm happy to report my lab tests have come back from my doctors and things are looking good. There is some inflammation and some of the results are outta whack but those are the lupus tests that have been outta whack for a while now. Everything else has stayed the same and while my final test today came back positive for sjogren's antibodies, my doctor is confident in the medications I'm already on and very pleased with my overall health. My eyes are still dry but my vision is perfect. I'm starting to get some energy back and I think all the sleeping has really helped that. I caught a cold on top of all this but thankfully I'm at the end of that too.

Friends, thank you for praying for Peyton. She is still in the NICU but doing very well. She's eating and looking healthy, her color is great and the antibiotics seem to be doing their job. I know Lindsay is still upset about leaving the hospital without her baby but glad she's being taken care of.

Princess Peyton

Pray for Peyton Ranae Behling. She was born on February 4th to Lindsay and Dave. I've known Lindsay for 28 years, her entire life! Her little girl was born with a blood infection and has to stay in the NICU for a week. Lindsay also had a c-section so she's in the hospital until Monday. They could use some prayer.

Check the Attitude

“Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death—even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. “ Philippians 2:5 – 11

After I posted my blog yesterday I considered deleting it. I felt whiney and like complaining, so I wrote. I’ve had a bad attitude lately and while I don’t think anyone in constant pain is always very chipper, I realize I’m wrong because I don’t want to change. When I consider scripture I realize how wrong I am, and for that I am truly sorry.

Ugh. Monday.

I woke up this morning from a really weird dream and as I was in bed thinking about how creepy it was, an earthquake hit (there was an earthquake in my dream). Needless to say I was a bit freaked out and quickly jumped up to get ready for work. Today was a funky day and that’s the only way I can describe it.

I’m starting to feel the way I was at the end of December, when I actually fell asleep at Christmas Eve dinner. My shoulder hurts pretty badly and my eyes are drying again. This has been the longest flare in two years…

My dishes are piling up and I feel like a horrible person. I guess it's a good thing I live alone :)