Happy Halloween

I should've done this for Halloween.

SD Debut

I know I dropped a bomb on some of you (okay, Marisa at least) when I said there was no more gym crush. Now there's no more tournament. I knew I had two weddings in November but thought they were in the middle of month, turns out they're at the beginning. Oh well, the SD debut will just have to be postponed.

On another note: God is good and even though I feel like there are a lot of things that could be stressing me out right now, I'm at ease with a lot of ambiguity in my life. And for me, that's a huge growth spurt.

Quick thoughts

I've been encouraged by people in my life seeking me out to talk to me. I've also been drained by the weight of their stories, problems, and issues. I'm glad I'm feeling good enough for some bjj work outs because it really is a place to release some of the tension I've been feeling.

I'm competing on November 7th. Yeah, that's coming up quick. My coach just told me about the tournament and it's in San Diego, I'm excited to possibly have some friends watch me fight.

My gym crush came back yesterday. He's been gone for a couple of months and I was fine with that. I admit I did miss our hours of phone conversations, it's nice to feel like someone likes talking with you. Anyway...he called me last night and we talked for a while. This time our conversation made me feel depressed. Just thought you should know, I no longer have a gym crush.

Back to the Bronx

They just couldn't finish it yesterday. So now my Yankees are heading back to the Bronx and I'm hoping they finish the Angels off tomorrow.

I've been working on my personal statement for NYU. It's been rough but good at the same time. I'm definitely thinking a lot about potential research I would love to complete.

My Barnes and Nobel box came and now I have even more books to read. I just started CS Lewis' A Grief Observed. Seems fitting right now, 3 of my coworkers have lost significant people in their lives in the last 3 weeks.

Secret Wishes

I posted about my secret wish to stay at the Career Center for a while longer yesterday and today they asked me to extend my stay until the end of the quarter. This is fantastic news, now I have work through December. I was starting to think I was going to have to leave San Diego soon but it looks like that's not happening. Now my secret wish is to stay temping until the fall of 2010 and then go to a full time doctorate program. I know that won't be answered tomorrow but I'll put it out there.

The Heart That Holds On

Let's see...another month passes and I've been pretty slacking on the blog. I wish I could just take snapshots of what I've been doing over the last few weeks because I feel like pictures would be way more entertaining than what I share with words.

Work: I've been temping at the Career Center and it's been awesome. It was only a 6 week appointment but turned into 11. I'm secretly hoping I get renewed again because I really do love it there. Not the work so much, that part is pretty boring, but the people I'm around are great. I sit at the front desk with AJ, I wish you all could meet him because he makes my day so much brighter. He's a Christian and very eager in his faith which always leads to great conversations. Plus, he thinks I'm hilarious and I always like people who think I'm funny.

Health: I was sick with a cough for THREE weeks and finally gave in and went to urgent care. Being a temp doesn't come with any benefits so I tried to avoid the medical expense. Luckily I have a mom and step dad who don't want me to suffer and they convinced me to see the doctor. I'm done with that nasty cough but it left me drained and I think it flared my lupus. I've been able to get some sleep on weekends and am finally starting to feel my strength come back but my joints are still swollen and sore.

Family: I had to go home last weekend for some family events, my cousin Shane is getting married and there was a wedding shower to attend. I had so much fun with my mom and I'm so thankful for the restoration of our relationship, I know it's only because I gave my life to the Lord that our relationship was saved. JD (my 15 year old brother) has been this spark plug in my family lately, getting them back into church and really stepping up to claim his relationship with Jesus as his own. It's so encouraging and humbling to see. My step dad told me it was because I've been a faithful example and although it was supposed to be a compliment, I couldn't help but feel like I wasn't good enough. While we were in church the band played a Matt Redman song that sings of a theme in my life and I cried my eyes out. One part of the song says, "I can see the light that is coming for the heart that holds on" and I'm clutching to the truth that the Lord will return and deliver me from the trials I face here. I've been spending a lot more time in the word and in prayer and even though I'm still struggling, I feel a little more hopeful everyday. God's also been showing me that He has way more grace for me than I have for myself. I've realized in the last year just how much I beat myself up. I know it's not edifying to me and it's not glorifying to God, something I'm working on.

Jiu jitsu: Being sick for 3 weeks limited my workouts. I have been able to train with an 8th degree black belt a few weeks ago and this past weekend I trained with Bill Cooper, a 22 time Grappler's Quest Champion...and he's only 22 years old. It was cool to meet some new people in the bjj community and improve my game. I'm not sure when I'll be able to compete again, it looks like December is the next tournament. I just hope I have a full time, permanent position by then and then I'll be able to afford to compete.

Randomness: I'm applying to doctorate programs at the moment. I've decided on 3 schools that I would want to go to should I get in. If nothing happens there I'll probably pick a few more programs for the next year to apply to. I'm working on apps for NYU. University of Oregon, and Rosemead (Biola). Personal statements are tough and asking people for letters of recommendations isn't the easiest thing either. We'll see what happens.

Random Happenings

It's been a while so here is a rundown of life.

I'm temping at UCSD and have loved it. I got the new Jay-Z album and love it. I baked pumpkin scones tonight and loved the one I ate. I wanted to eat them all but showed self-restraint.

I went to a concert this week and saw Taking Back Sunday, Weezer, and Blink 182. Weezer was by far my favorite but Travis Barker is pretty entertaining on the drums.

I got really sick this last week and even spent a whole day in bed. I'm feeling better now but I'm still a little weak and haven't been able to do jiu jitsu at all. I had no energy for boxing either.

I'm on a mission to find the best pumpkin spice latte around. I had one at Peet's tonight and it wasn't good at all. Won't be hard to beat. In case you weren't aware, I love pumpkin.

I'm applying (well, figuring out where to apply) to doctorate programs. So far I've decided I'm definitely applying to Rosemead (at Biola), University of Oregon, NYU, and probably Alliant (in San Diego). I'm also thinking about University of Michigan, Columbia, and maybe a UC. I don't know if I'll get into any of the programs, doctorate programs are EXTREMELY competitive, but so am I. NYU has about 200 applicants and only 4 or 5 are accepted. Yeah, not very good odds :/ But we'll see...