Yes, I Twitter

I've had a few people ask me lately, "What is Twitter?"  Well, my friend Justin found this informative video.  Now, get to Twittering so we can be better friends.  Just kidding. 

Beautiful Nail

Without You - Rent Soundtrack

Without you, the ground thaws, the rain falls, the grass grows.

Without you, the seeds root, the flowers bloom, the children play. 


The stars gleam, the poets dream, the eagles fly, without you.

The earth turns, the sun burns, but I die, without you. 


Without you, the stars roar the breeze warms, the girl smiles, the cloud moves. 


Without you, the tides change, the boys run, the oceans crash.

The crowds roar, the days soar, the babies cry, without you. 


The moon glows, the river flows, but I die, without you.



The world revives, colors renew, 
but I know blue, only blue, lonely blue, within me blue.



Without you. 


Without you the hand gropes, the ear hears, the pulse beats.



Without you, the eyes gaze, the legs walk, the lungs breathe.



The mind churns!

The mind churns!



The heart yearns!

The heart yearns!


The tears dry, without you.

Life goes on, but I’m gone.



Cause I die, without you.

Without you.
 Without you.

CBB Retreat

Once upon a time I was a "night owl" as my Nana would put it.  Even as a kid I would stay up late and sleep in.  My best friend growing up and I would challenge one another to see who could sleep the longest.  I often pulled "nooners" when I would sleep until sometime in the afternoon.  I think Joshua broke me of the habit and I found out just how much I could enjoy mornings.  Well, without chores for sure.  Once I started marathon training it was always early to bed, early to rise.  Since I've been on break for about 5 weeks and haven't had a job, I've gotten into the bad habit of staying up late and sleeping in.  I need to break the habit because school starts again in a few hours.  

I have to go on a retreat with my cohort.  This time around I sort of know what to expect.  I plan on staying quiet for as long as I can while we do group therapy.  I guess I just want to keep some of the stuff going on inside me to myself.  I don't even talk to my therapist about it all and I still have enough to talk about for an hour every time we meet.  I'm ready to hit this semester as hard as last.  Dang, it felt good to do so well.  But I know it's going to take every ounce of my energy.  I have a few goals this semester and we'll see if I can attain them, I'm pretty driven but these are somewhat lofty.  

I was asked to join a softball team next season.  I've been subbing for this team and loving it.  Every week I hope they call me in need of another girl for the lineup and so far for the last month they have.  It's nice to feel wanted.  Now, if only I can ace hitting the gaps instead of line drives to the shortstop.  

Life in a picture

I've been off of school for about 5 weeks now and I haven't had a job either so I've spent a lot of time in Fillmore with my family.  I really love my brothers and I'm pretty close to them considering I haven't lived around them for the past 10 years.  My parents even commented on how close JD and I are considering our 14 year age difference.  He's a fun kid to be around and he's very useful when you have to reach for something high since he's over 6'0 now.  This is us on Christmas morning in our new PJs.  I don't think his will fit for very long, I'm sure he'll get too tall for them.  Sorry kid, tall people can't wear footsie pajamas.  

Serving Leftovers to a Holy God

This is the title of chapter 5 in Francis Chan's book, Crazy Love.  I picked it up because I like Francis a lot and well, I'm in need of some love and a reminder of what my focus is.  This last semester was busy and through it all I felt so empty and drained.  Some of that has to do with the nature of my program and my obsession with perfectionism.  The other part was simply not making time for prayer and meditation.  I could wake up some mornings and feel the ache in my heart to spend time with God, but I would allow laziness or busyness distract me.  I didn't journal a whole lot and while I was nearly sure the Holy Spirit had left me and I questioned a whole lot about myself I was reminded the things I was beginning to believe were lies.  I told myself during break I was going to get back into my good habits, running, writing down my diet and spending time in scripture and writing in my journal.  I'm 3 days into the running and in the first day of writing my food down.  I don't know why I can't get myself to do the things I know will bring me the most joy and satisfaction, spending my time with the Lord.  

I know I tend to beat myself up a lot and don't think the things I do are all that great.  Just yesterday I was having a conversation with a good friend about school.  This last semester I got straight A's in 21 units of grad work while working nearly 25 hours a week and still trying to have life apart from school and work and I've won two scholarships.  This week I was really struck by God's timing.  I've wanted to do grad school for so long but I never thought I was smart enough or able to do this.  CBB came at a time where I really just had asked God for this and felt like it was time but then as school started I felt so far from Him.  As I read chapter 5 tonight it talked a lot about love and I'm realizing that this is a huge reason I'm in this program, because I work with a lot of people that are hard to love, don't have love or have never seen genuine love.  This is why I want to do what I'm doing and this is what makes me excited...and it is about my relationship with Christ.  Except that I'm only now seeing it.  I don't know if this makes sense but I'm feeling a bit relieved at this realization.  

Happy New Year

I had the chance to spend time with the Kemps today. They're some of my favorite people and a big reason I miss the valley. It was refreshing and fun and I got to meet the newest member of the family, Josiah. The kid is huge and so dang cute.

Over the last few weeks I've mostly been in Chatsworth because well, my friends hate leaving the valley and I'm pretty much the only one who doesn't live there. It's been worth it though, I got to spend time with Danny while he was in the country and Katie always makes me laugh. I wish I would've taken pictures. We did go to Disneyland one day and it was fun, even at full capacity and no fireworks.

I have to admit, I'm a little ready to start this next semester. Mostly because I want to get it over with. I did well last semester, a 4.0...not too shabby :) It's a bit scary to think about what comes next but I'm trying to focus on the moment. I know there will be a lot more growth, challenges and realizations this next semester so for now, I'll just rest and prepare. I'm heading back to San Diego this week. I don't really want to go back yet but I have physical therapy twice a week for the next 4 weeks. All I did was sleep wrong on my shoulder and the inflammation won't go down. It hurts so bad, I can't even sleep some nights. At least I won't be driving 1 1/2 hours every day to hang out with friends.