Confessions of a Crying Girl

I don’t remember crying a whole lot when I was a kid. I don’t think I cried very much in high school or college. Joshua was definitely when the floodgates opened. I guess that’s what happens when you remove yourself from the distractions of this world, have at least an hour a day devoted to studying, meditating, and digesting the word of God on your own, and really take the time to evaluate what life is all about. I cried a lot that year because what I thought I had wanted and what I really needed were no longer in congruence. I realized during Joshua that according to worldly standards I probably would never be rich, have high stature, or make headline news, and all of that was just fine by me as long as I was following the Lord with reverent passion.

I moved to Chatsworth soon after this experience and I cried A LOT there too. 2004 (and into 2005) was a painful year in nearly every way. I had gallbladder surgery, was removed from my accountability, placed at the biggest church I had ever been to, and then my family was nearly ripped to pieces. Although things at the church weren’t perfect I knew God was doing awesome things in me and through me, and it was apparent because of the fruit being produced but also because of the spiritual warfare I endured.

I of course cried in CBB. Becoming a self aware person doesn’t come easily. It takes a lot of work, lots of digging deep and lots of disclosure. But since then, I’ve become okay with people seeing me cry. Well…certain people J

I share my crying journey with you because today I was a mess in church. I wasn’t wailing or sobbing, it wasn’t a deep cry but it was a constant flow of tears. I met the Johnson family through the sermon this morning and was moved to hear about the pain they’ve experienced in their lives but how faithful and dependent they are on God. They are a reminder that God’s power is superior to Satan’s and that when I feel powerless the Holy Spirit can empower me. I also cried at the end of church when people responded to the gospel and walked forward, proclaiming they were powerless and willing to give their lives to the Lord. I ALWAYS cry when people decide to accept Christ.