Debbie Downer

Nobody wants to hang out with a downer. I don't want to be a downer. I feel like a downer lately. I've also been experiencing lupus flares. It's been a while since the last one and I guess I forget the limitations this thing can have on my physical body and the emotional and psychological side effects. I'm sure anyone living with a chronic disease would agree or know what I'm talking about. Depression is probably fairly common in chronic patients and occurs in an estimated 20 - 60% of lupus patients. My mom encouraged me to do more research and reading to better understand my situation. I told her I felt like blaming it on the lupus was a cop out but I found a few interesting articles that help me know I'm not crazy, just stubborn. I hate having limitations on my physical body but it makes me long for the day I no longer have to live in this dirt bag body. I'm trying to keep a good attitude despite feeling the need to sleep 12 hours a day, put drops in my eyes every hour, and not being able to do jiu jitsu lately because of the pain in my hands and shoulders.

To end this post with some positivity: I have a job interview next week, I'm almost done with grad applications, I'm drawing closer to the Lord, my family and friends are amazing, encouraging, caring, and most importantly, praying for me.