Part of my process in CBB included me having to put myself out there more often, learning to be open and sometimes dependable on others. This took time but eventually happened with my cohort and practicum members but my advisors wanted to challenge me to do it with strangers. I know most of you wouldn’t say I’m a shy person but I am and you probably know I can be an extreme introvert. I was often asked why I was so willing to talk about certain areas of my life but others (relationships and dating) was off limits. So, in February I went speed dating for the first time and it was actually fun. I figured people like to talk about themselves so I just had to ask questions. I went speed dating again this week with a friend and it was such a horrible experience, I really just laughed a whole lot. While I sat there listening to these guys talk I just kept thinking about how I really don’t want to meet someone speed dating and really, did these guys even remember I was sitting there? I think they thought they were on dates with themselves because they didn’t try to find out a whole lot about me. This experience led to an interesting conversation with a coworker the next day. She had made some observations about me, and while they were mostly true, it made me feel sad, angry, and a little bitter towards her. It sounded like she was blaming me for not opening up. I thought why can’t I choose who I open up to? But then it brought me back to sitting in the CBB circle and I felt like the self-awareness and progress I had made in that year of school was really not much progress at all. I’m refusing to jump into my craziness and start blaming myself. Maybe this is the wrong assumption to make, but if someone wanted to get to know me, wouldn’t they want to spend time with me? Ask me about my thoughts, experiences, and myself? I thought that’s what you did when you wanted to know someone.
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