Released to Rule

I'm taking my time with The Divine Conspiracy. I have to think a lot when I read it so I'm only done with one chapter :) Yeah, so I started a month ago...I haven't spent time reading, only playing Settlers.

I've been thinking about how once I release control of something to God I usually find myself with more rule over that thing. Does that make sense? I've just felt like a failure lately even though I haven't tried to achieve. And I haven't tried to achieve because I'm afraid of failure. What a crappy cycle to be caught in.

It relates to bigger issues in my life but here is the small one I'm trying to work through now. So, I like a guy...Yeah, he's still around. I've liked him for a few months, we've become friends and we spend time together. He's great! He's fun and smart and we get along well...So why hasn't he got the clue? Everyone around me is telling me to just lay it out there. I feel like if I spill my guts I'm going to end up picking them up and putting them back in once he's ripped into me. But I haven't tried and I don't even know for sure if it would end this way. I'm just too scared. I know in my head that God will be there to be my comfort if it doesn't go the way I'd like it to and I know God really is the only one I need to be satisfied with and by. But I can't make my heart feel that and I can't get the words out of my mouth. So how do I release this to God and rule over these feeling? It's probably by spending time with God, reading my Bible, journaling about these things. Maybe it's harder than that though. Maybe I totally need to change my thinking. Maybe I just need to open my mouth, stumble over my words and see where I land.