Loneliness & Boredom

I went away to Big Bear last weekend with our college group from church. It was a rough trip for me because of how I was feeling, the amount of school work that needed to get done, and my lack of motivation. Saturday morning I broke down in tears. I knew it would happen, I just didn't want anyone to see it. It was humbling to not have a place to go and hide and cry my eyes out, but God taught me a good lesson in that moment. He reminded me that I needed to be vulnerable and that I needed to allow others to care for me. I was able to share just a bit of what has been going on with me with some of the girls in my group and I realized that as their leader, I felt like a failure. I mean, I was supposed to be the one with my act together. I was supposed to counsel them and let them cry. But here I was, needing people to process with. While I didn't get into my whole story, I see how it brought me closer to the body of Christ and that deserves a whole mess of praise.

It's still hard, I'm still not feeling well. That on top of a boring load of reading I have to do has made me more than irritable, I've been angry a lot. I told my mom I was looking for a therapist and she didn't understand. Lately it feels like nobody does and that's exactly why I need a therapist :) I'm only slightly joking here. But I wait and hope and try to look forward to what's to come. One thing I am excited about: MOVING!!!