It finally hit me today...school starts in less than 8 weeks. As I realized this I also had an overwhelming sense of insecurity. I'm afraid I won't cut it. As a student, as a friend, as a Christian. When first considering Rosemead I was excited about taking theology classes, being around other believers, making new friends. Now, all of those things scare me. I know a lot of it has to do with where I'm at right now here in San Diego. I have little community and a few people I even talk about spiritual matters with. I often hold back a lot because of what I perceive to be an un-interested attitude from people in the body of Christ. It's made me think I don't want to be around Christians so much. We can be mean, hurtful people. It seems I've found more care outside of the Christian community which is also very disheartening. I'm afraid of what my dear San Diego relationships will become.
I remember feeling some of this towards the end of my first trip to Ethiopia. My leader, Mark, prayed over me and the journey I was coming home to (Joshua Wilderness Institute) and reassured me that it would be exciting. And it was. I'm looking for a Mark right now and leaning on the promise of God.
I'm praying for a change in my heart too. I know how wicked it is.
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