Funny how life doesn’t work out the way I think it’s going to. I guess it’s like one of the ladies at church said, “Man plans, God laughs.” I thought finally my car woes had disappeared but it doesn’t seem so. The “check engine light” has been on for the last 2 days and I fear the worst. The day the engine light went on the Jeep reappeared after being gone from the lot for a month. Maybe it’s time for a fun vehicle? I just keep thanking God for the ways He’s provided transportation and praying my car doesn’t die anytime soon. Someone asked me on Monday if I had a name for the car and I said no. A friend made the comment between chuckles, “call her lucky.” Argh!
Maya called me on Tuesday night and we had a great conversation. I’m sure she enjoyed listening to me cry about things I had no idea were bothering me. It’s just, I have so many desires and they’re becoming stronger every day but I don’t know what to do with these things. I want to go back to school so bad and start working on my Masters degree. I can’t stand the thought of more debt though and I have no idea where I’ll even go. Now more than ever I want to have someone to do life with. Man, living at Hume was so much easier. A relationship wasn’t even an option up there but now that I’m in the “real” world I wonder what’s wrong with me for not having that significant other. It doesn’t help when every other day I get a call from the Joshua update line (that’s what I’ll call her…you know who) and some other 20 year old from our class is getting married. I was really excited about this “Blue eyes” friendship that has been going on. It’s still a whole lot of fun spending time with him but he has no idea how I feel and I’m feeling so impatient. What’s my deal?
I’d say I’m a pretty confident woman. Yeah I have my insecurities but why am I so afraid to pursue these things in life? Why don’t I just apply to school and see what happens? Why don’t I just tell him how I feel? Why don’t I just go check out the Jeep? Why do I think through EVERY little detail? There are 2 things nobody likes, confrontation and rejection and I think those are 2 things I’d have to face in all the decisions laying ahead of me. I just don’t know what to do.
1 comment:
i really don't think anyone knows what to do. yo wake up one morning and things are different.
then then next and so forth.
i will be 27 soon. and sometimes i still wonder. what brings true contentment?
nothing found here...nothing we can do. don't seek after happiness...become joyful.
(i am talking to myself as well)
when life feels good...we want more out of it. when life is bad...we want a new one.
my opinion...live life with no regrets. take up oppertunities as they come and be confident in them. and when they don't turn out the way we want them too...then learn for them and try something new.
don't be afraid. believe in yourself because all of us do.
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