My Soul Must Sing!

Well, I thought with time during the summer I would post more often. Obviously that didn't happen. I thought I would do a lot of things this summer, but my plans were thwarted by a series of health issues. Most of the summer I've dealt with an inflamed sciatic nerve. It's the most painful thing I've ever felt, and it seems to be a yearly occurrence. I've spent a lot of time trying to get comfortable standing, sitting, laying...not much was bearable. It's been a bummer having to spend so much of the summer being inactive and on ice packs. I recently went to a new rheumatologist, since I haven't seen a doctor in nearly a year. He sent me to have specific blood tests done for scleroderma. Basically, it's another autoimmune disease, but this one sounded much scarier because symptoms are much more severe than what I'm currently dealing with with the lupus diagnosis. I went to the lab, had blood drawn, peed in a cup, and left for a week at Hume Lake, leaving me to think about this for the next week.

Hume had some highs and lows. It was great to be back at a place I called home for a while. I hadn't been to the camp since I moved to San Diego and then La Mirada, about 4 years. It was also great being there with new and old friends. It was hard being in a cabin of high school girls that didn't know me, or one another very well. My one on one conversations were pretty awesome and I felt encouraged by them, but when we would have cabin time, they would shut up like clams and not share at all. It was also difficult feeling so vulnerable with God and questioning so much. I felt like I needed to get my junk in order to be with these girls, at the same time, I was a mess inside. Thankfully I had friends who lifted me up in prayer, which is the only way I made it through the week.

I was able to spend time in scripture and writing in my journal while at Hume. I had forgotten how great and valuable that time is for me and my relationship with God. As I read through various passages I was comforted in knowing that the things I am facing, physically, mentally, and spiritually, are nothing compared to the suffering Christ endured through the cross. Yet, like Paul, I should long to share in that suffering. That really put things into perspective and has been a source of strength in the last few days of waiting for test results.

I went to the doctor this afternoon and my test results were about as good as I could hope for. I tested negative for scleroderma, but that doesn't mean I'm in the clear. The doctor said this is something that can just explode one day. He's heard of cases where there were no symptoms or positive test results and then one day a patient will wake up unable to move. My lupus antibodies were still positive, but for now my blood pressure, cholesterol, and blood count levels were excellent. It's a little reassuring to me and my doctor that as of now, there is no affect on my internal organs. So, I'll continue to sit an lay on ice and hope the pain goes away before school starts next week.