Like an overdue book

Where I spend most of my days. Or just across the walk way in the library.

I knew once school started the posting would become more difficult. The last 2 weeks of school have felt like months, both in good and bad ways. I've found myself wondering if I can keep this commitment to be married to school for the next 5 years. It's hard to not think about the things I could be doing with my time and resources. It's also very exciting being in school again. I know I haven't been out for very long but this process just seems so much bigger. No doubt because of what I have to go through to get to the end. This cohort experience has been MUCH different than CBB. It's so academically focused in this first year that we are still relating to one another on a very surface level. I don't do surface too well. I'm reminded of that while meeting all the new people at school and at church. But I recognize it's a safe place for a lot of folks and you have to go through this layer to build those relationships you can take deeper.

I'm LOVING classes (except stats. blah.) and my classmates have been fun to be around. I had this idea I would come in and be labeled the heathen, judged for some of my views and choices I've made in life, and have to keep a big part of who I am to myself. I came in guarded. I've never liked being wrong, but in this case, I'm so glad I'm wrong. I've already had to wrestle with some big questions about me, my faith, my future profession. I've had to accept that I have to take the next week off for surgery and I might fall behind. My professors and TAs have been awesome though, meeting with me outside of class to prep me on what I'll be missing, giving me extensions, and postponing exams for me.

I've spent a lot of time in the library but I've also spent a lot of time with people. In San Diego I hung with a few friends pretty consistently but one thing I was missing there were people who shared my faith, or at least wanted to be real about their faith journey. I've been able to jump in with a new college ministry and volunteer. I've joined friends in a weekly discussion group about life, faith, and random silliness. It's been good for me and my soul, but I still feel like I'm missing something. I haven't figured it out yet.

I'm leaving tomorrow for San Diego. I'm having surgery at Green Hospital in La Jolla on Monday morning at 7:30 am. If you think about it, please pray for me. I'm not nervous yet. I'm mostly nervous about the recovery. Last time I went under anesthesia I came out of it depressed for a few weeks. Hopefully I won't have to spend the night in the hospital but like my doctor said, there are risks in surgery. He gave a great pep talk about how he does his best work in the morning. Maybe I should bring him some Starbucks.