Superhero Savior

This weekend we studied Luke 19:28 - 48 in church. I'm sure if you've been around the church for a while you've also studied the passage on Palm Sunday. This marks the beginning of "Passion Week" and Jesus' journey to the cross (although his journey really began at birth). Observing the text I think about the excitement and hope the people had, their savior had come! Only he didn't come to do what they thought he was going to do. He wasn't there to pull rank, restore a nation, or be an earthly king. He was there to die a painful, brutal, gory death, so that the world would have the chance at salvation. I immediately thought of the role Jesus plays in my life. He's a bit like a superhero, allowing me to live with the comfort of knowing he's there, fighting my battles and keeping me safe, but sometimes feeling really impersonal and not playing the role I think he should. Lately I've been accusing of God, questioning His character, wondering if He enjoys seeing me struggle and cry nearly everyday. I thought I was trying to reach out and hear from Him. I've been doing the things I should be doing: reading, praying, going to small group, talking to brothers and sisters, and tithing. But yesterday I realized that I wasn't doing the one thing He wanted me to do, trust Him.

After church I headed towards Mission Bay for some quiet time. I read, prayed, wrote in my journal and wrote and wrote :). I went back to the beginning of the year and read a few entries and one thing stuck out. On 1/4 I wrote about a message I heard by Francis Chan asking if we could go through the year, have fun and not be closer to God. OR go through the year with challenges and be closer than ever to God, which would I choose? I confessed fun sounded good but I want to be closer to the Lord, so I'd have to choose the challenges. I didn't know what I was to receive at that time. 2010 has brought illness, cancer scares, surgeries, family conflict, financial hardship. I've been with friends as they battle anxiety, worry, fear, divorce...and March isn't over. But yesterday I was able to rejoice in all that has been and is going on because I'm yearning for time with the Lord.

I know my feelings and situations aren't going to change overnight. Just today I got a letter saying my temp hours at work will be up in a month and it looks like I'll be unemployed for a while. I immediately got tears in my eye, my chest felt heavy and I walked away from my desk. But it took only a minute for me to recognize the opportunity to trust and that's what I'm choosing and it feels good. I also found out today that I got into Rosemead's Clinical Psych program. I have no idea how this is going to work out. It's a good $25,000 + a year. But I have 2 weeks to make a decision and I know this is another chance to seek the Lord. Stay tuned for more.

Soundtrack for 3/29:

Mexico City - Jolie Holland, Save You - Matthew Perryman Jones, Heart on my Sleeve - Michael Johns, Everything's Right - Matt Wertz, Half of my Heart - John Mayer, Can't Fight This Feeling - Glee Cast, You Want This - Janet Jackson, So Excited - Janet Jackson, End of the World - Blake Lewis, Halo - Glee Cast, Bust Your Windows - Glee Cast, Now That You Got It - Gwen Steffani