The Way I See It #141

"I used to feel so alone in the city. All those gazillions of people and then me, on the outside. Because how do you meet a new person? I was very stumped by this for many years. And then I realized, you just say, 'Hi.' They may ignore you. Or you may marry them. And that possibility is worth that one word." -Augusten Burroughs

I'm sure you've seen these on the Starbucks coffee cups. I got this cup last Saturday. Vinh, Maria and I were headed to Aaron's and stopped to get coffee and as I read the cup I thought about the upcoming week. This was going to be an intense week, full of me putting myself out there in new ways and with new people.

I had told myself I was going to go to church but I hadn't decided where I was going to go, so I was guessing I probably wasn't going to actually do it. I've had a lot of excuses for not going to church. After a conversation with a friend who served in missions for a time, I realized he was telling me the hard truth. Churches will disappoint and people will fail you but God is constant and good and wants me to be in a relationship with Him and His people. So I went to a new church and it was difficult. I wanted to immediately turn around and leave. I felt completely alone in this crowded room. I sat with that feeling and didn't really like the music but once the pastor started to teach, I was digging it. He taught with such conviction, passion and honesty. I loved it. After the teaching the music started again and they played this song that I know only through Everybody Duck, which brought back a lot of memories. So, church was good and bad and I'll go back Sunday because it was the first message in a new series and I'm interested in hearing what else is coming through the teaching.

Monday my client didn't show and I was bummed, but it allowed us more time to "do work" as it's called in the CBB circle. My supervisor has really challenged me to look at why I won't dare touch the subject of intimacy, sexuality, sex and relationships. I haven't told him why I don't want to work on it but I know he knows. It would be some really hard work. I brought it up on Monday night and the conversation went in a completely different direction then I thought it would and I didn't really get any work done. But I did come away with wondering why these issues are largely addressed in the church when it pertains to marriage. Why don't we have more open and honest conversations about these things? I still have a lot of work to do.

I was in an accident on Wednesday and this has thrown my entire week out of whack. It's getting worked out and it was the other guy's fault but insurance companies are a pain in the ass.

I haven't had a date in like 6 years. It's a little sad sometimes...other times I'm extremely grateful I only have to deal with my crap. But Thursday night I had 30 dates and it was a blast. I went speed dating. One guy asked me why I would choose this speed dating thing. I told him because I had multiple personalities and thought this would be the easiest thing for me. He laughed and I didn't care if he thought I was crazy. Then I told him I really was just curious about the whole thing and he said the same was true for him. So, I met a lot of interesting guys and some that I would go on a real date with but we'll see what happens. So there I am, putting myself out there a little more.

There is a lot more going on with me but since this has turned into a novel, I'll leave it at this.

P.S. I've begun my training for the San Diego Marathon and I'm possibly beginning Ju Jitsu classes. Ultimate Fighter, here I come. I actually just want to be able to defend myself around my brothers.

Tracks that played while writing: Single Ladies, Beyonce; Witness Blues, A.A. Bondy; She Moves in Her Own Way, The Kooks; La Vie Boheme, Rent; When the World Stops Turning, Matt Pryor; Get Back, Ludacris; You and Me, Lifehouse; 99 Problems, Jay Z; Must be Nice, Lyfe Jennings; Necessito, Some Girls